Running after Time
I always thought I am running after time. The feeling of taking charge of everything so everything will fall in the right place - I just don't want to mess up with anything especially a project or an event. At home, it's me who run everything, household management, Gaby and Wafi school schedule ( although Ate Maricel's help really makes everything easier for me. I swear without her as my sidekick, I will be very tired of running the house. )
I run my own life too, sometimes, I run the life of others, those people who are dependent on me. I run relationships. I make it a point that connections with the people I love is sustained, there are times that I get tired and lonesome and thought that it would be nice if someone will really take care of me. You know, ask me to watch a movie, pays for it. Ask me to eat, pays for it. Or schedule an out of town trip out of a blue and surprise me with a beautiful place near the beach, or have a picnic, spread a red checkered picnic cloth and open a red wine, slice a cheese and eat it with french bread - read a good book or listen to a soothing music while waiting for the sunset. It's a simple joy that I always wish of doing but I always wish someone would do that for me.
Marriage sometimes gets tiresome, sometimes, he finds no time to impress me anymore or to even really look at me like he looked at me before. Too much familiarity I guess. Those things, when you get old, little things that mean a lot to me sometimes are simply forgotten, you know, a kiss before leaving or when he gets home, holding my hands, doing some heavy chores for me ( when I know that my back is breaking because of that heavy pail of water ) - anyway, I'm just around. I'm like a convenience store that never closes - always open 24/7. No breaks as a mom or as a wife. It's a lifetime commitment. I think about it all the time, my role as a mom and as wife - when I cook, when I wash the dishes, when I work, when I sleep, when I'm tired, when I'm lonely. I think about that commitment. I think about my girls and my husband. And I wonder, if they are thinking that they are also committed to me as a wife and as mother.
So, I run. I run after time. Wherever my feet would take me. Whenever I feel like going - i run when I cannot handle stress and i shut everything off. I run when I feel that the world's too heavy on me. and I run , like Forrest Gump. I just run.
And when I finally get to my destination - after too much running - I do soul searching. and I cry. I cry a river. I cry over little things. I cry over friends who betrayed me and used me. But I forgive them. I try to run from them too. I try not to confront them.
I run my own life too, sometimes, I run the life of others, those people who are dependent on me. I run relationships. I make it a point that connections with the people I love is sustained, there are times that I get tired and lonesome and thought that it would be nice if someone will really take care of me. You know, ask me to watch a movie, pays for it. Ask me to eat, pays for it. Or schedule an out of town trip out of a blue and surprise me with a beautiful place near the beach, or have a picnic, spread a red checkered picnic cloth and open a red wine, slice a cheese and eat it with french bread - read a good book or listen to a soothing music while waiting for the sunset. It's a simple joy that I always wish of doing but I always wish someone would do that for me.
Marriage sometimes gets tiresome, sometimes, he finds no time to impress me anymore or to even really look at me like he looked at me before. Too much familiarity I guess. Those things, when you get old, little things that mean a lot to me sometimes are simply forgotten, you know, a kiss before leaving or when he gets home, holding my hands, doing some heavy chores for me ( when I know that my back is breaking because of that heavy pail of water ) - anyway, I'm just around. I'm like a convenience store that never closes - always open 24/7. No breaks as a mom or as a wife. It's a lifetime commitment. I think about it all the time, my role as a mom and as wife - when I cook, when I wash the dishes, when I work, when I sleep, when I'm tired, when I'm lonely. I think about that commitment. I think about my girls and my husband. And I wonder, if they are thinking that they are also committed to me as a wife and as mother.
So, I run. I run after time. Wherever my feet would take me. Whenever I feel like going - i run when I cannot handle stress and i shut everything off. I run when I feel that the world's too heavy on me. and I run , like Forrest Gump. I just run.
And when I finally get to my destination - after too much running - I do soul searching. and I cry. I cry a river. I cry over little things. I cry over friends who betrayed me and used me. But I forgive them. I try to run from them too. I try not to confront them.
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