The Scarf
After a couple of days of her head operation, she called me up at the other hospital, where Gaby was confined because of dengue; Mom told me that her operation was successful. We just have to take the lump found on her head to biopsy and wait for the result. It's painful that I wasn't there for her because I had to take care of Gaby who was very sick that time. That was a terrible blow in my life.
Imagine my pain as a mother and as a daughter that time. when my daughter was very sick in the hospital while my Mom was undergoing operation in another hospital! That moment, I would like to split my body in half and be there for each one of them. I was worried, tired and frustrated. I had to stay strong for both of them. I got nothing to do but hold back the tears.
My brother said, he could take care of my Mom and he said I had to keep an eye on my 7 year old Gaby who was struggling with dengue - her platelets every hour was getting low. I was in a lot of mess. I think that was the time, I prayed so hard to God to keep two of my loved-ones safe from any harm. That was a few days away from my birthday.
I received another phone call from Mom a day before she was released from the hospital, while Gaby was still confined. She said, "You know Bang, I am leaving from the hospital tomorrow. I hope Gaby will soon recover from dengue, so you could also go home and take a rest and see me. Well, your Mom looks like as what your brother's teasing me since I went out from the operation room - I look like Sinead O'Connor. I am already bald bang." Her voice cracked at the other end of the line. and I said 'Oh, don;t worry Mom, you will grow your hair soon." You know us, we all have thick hair.You'll grow it soon.". And she said, "Bang, I have one scarf here, can you buy me more scarves when you get home? So I can use it when going out?". And i told her , No problem Mom, I will buy scarves for you, I even have few at home, I'll get it all for you and you can wear it - of course, we will be going out, we will have several doctor appointments for follow-up right?"
Mom said "Yes and I want to go to the beach. I think I'll be ok. After I recover, we will proceed with our plans to go to Quaipo and Divisoria to buy accessories for the store. Then, we can go to Macau? I will already try to work on my birth certificate. This City hall in Iriga - they just don't have my records anymore." I replied, "Mom you should rest first before we take care of whatever your plans are- they can wait anyway. " She said that all these cannot wait anymore, when she had her scarf on her head, she would be making all her plans come true. "And be ready, we will go to Macau, maybe right after your birthday". I just have to grow my hair again, or anyway, scarves can do its magic." I said ok to her.
After a few days that Gaby recovered and went out from the hospital, I hastily went to Mom's house to visit her and finally see her. She was actually up and about, going out, using one of my scarves. She was outside of our home - having a little walk. and suddenly there was this certain quietness. I was looking at Mom - so lovingly and yet so haplessly. She lose weight. Shes wearing a nice scarf. She looked still and quiet. But she looked strong and determined. It was a painful meeting. Her eyes met mine. I looked at her sad and teary eyes.
She finally broke the silence. She knew I was just looking at her. Finally, in her weak voice, she said, "Bang, Do I really look like Sinead according to your brother? I'm all skin-head and she removed her scarf - baring her head and her wound. Bagay man akong kalbo ano?" Her voice cracked. "Bagay ka mama. Your head's a perfect shape. You even look better than Sinead." Mom smiled. " You think so Bang ? this scarf is hiding my wound and my baldness." and I assured her that she will grow her hair soon.
I always tell her that wearing a scarf nowadays is fashionable. We sometimes laugh and experiment on many ways on how to put fashionably her scarf. and whenever she looked at herself in the mirror and said that she missed her hair; I would always look away and tell her that her hair will grow soon. It hurts me when she said that she's missing her hair.
One time, I asked her to go in the car that my best-friend was driving, so we could go to the clinic for her check-up. She said, she might scare my best-friend. I asked her why. Mom said " you will know when I'm already in her car."
And as soon as she got into the car, she said to my best-friend. " You know that people might get scared because I'm your passenger?. My best-friend who was confused about my mom's statement asked her why. Mom said"I am Valentina. I have snakes on my head." My best-friend laughed her heart out. And they were laughing together. I just smiled and felt a lump on my throat. I knew she's not going to be with me for long. I can feel it.
The next few weeks that followed, Mom's health deteriorated.She's too weak already to go out for check-ups or even for a walk. One time, I brought her two new scarves. "I cannot use that anymore. I'm all too weak. Just ask your cousin that I want to have a wig from Hongkong. I asked you to ask for that from her, remember when I was still in the hospital recovering from the operation?" I assured her that I would follow-up for the wig from my cousin.
"And those scarves are too big... I love the color though- it's dark - better to cover my wound and my baldness - and my hair takes too long to grow. Just keep the scarves, you can use it in one of your travels. I know you love scarves."
"Mom, I bought these scarves for you, you gotta wear this." I told her.
Mom just smiled.
The wig from Hongkong arrived the day she died. All the used and unused scarves, I put it in one plastic bag, and kept it. Her pain was over.
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